You Matter Too

You matter too 

Mental health is becoming a popular subject to discuss. As many people are more open and willing to talk about how they feel inside. A lot of people talk about the different aspects of mental health such as depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and panic attacks.

I believe this is a really positive thing as in modern day society more and more people are openly suffering from poor mental health. In many ways reading about others experiences can help people come to terms with their feelings and how to embrace their mental health. That's just it, mental health is personal and no two people are the same. Every person can experience different traumas and triggers, personal reasons as to why they may develop poor mental health.

Attempting to talk about mental health from a female's perspective can sometimes meet some judgement for example "girls are just more emotional, girls open up more" However one aspect of mental health that I believe is seriously overlooked is the issue of dealing with a parent or family member who suffers with a psychological disorder. Whether this is a major psychological disorder such as schizophrenia or something along the lines of depression, anxiety and panic attacks the perspective of a family member or child can be very important. It's often the people close to us to get the brunt of the "bad times" and then are expected to be perfectly ok during "the good times".

Mental health is a rollercoaster.

Speaking from my own personal experience I have known what it is like to live with a parent who suffers from poor mental health, the highs, the lows, the breakdowns and everything inbetween. I think it's safe to say that sometimes we can feel like a lot of pressure is put on us when having to deal with other people's mental health. My main struggle is the battle between "being there" and then the buildup of stress that becomes too much. Opening up about this can be hard as you feel like you have to be there for that person but sometimes it is just too much. They want you to listen to everything they have to say or have been upset about however, when it comes to your opinion they don't want to hear it.

As we all know someone who suffers with depression can be irrational and they tend to see things only from their own point of view, no-one else is in the equation. Yes I will say what we all want to say but can't, they become selfish. Through no fault of their own this tends to happens and then comes the constant battle of being angry with them but knowing deep down that they don't really mean it. I know I don't speak for everyone but that I feel this is my hardest battle to conquer with my own family as I constantly fight with myself over it.

The breakdown of a family after or alongside mental health issues with a parent or family member can feel like your whole world is crumbling as you try to hold all the pieces together. I can admit there has been times I have had breakdowns with my own mental health because it all just became too much I felt I was put in the middle and I know I did not sign up for that role. One thing I have learnt in the last five years is that sometimes parents are so wrapped up in her they are feeling that the family can forget how much this all affects the kids too. That hurts, I know that. Feeling like your voice is not heard or worse that no-one cares to hear your voice. So how do we deal with it? When it all gets too much? being the middle man, sometimes having to he the parent instead of the child."sometimes the truth hurts"We all hear the same things from friends and other people we confide in "why don't you just ignore them?, don't answer the phone, tell them you aren't listening anymore".
Now, I know for myself that it feels like it is easy for other people to say these things because they don't deal with the consequences but in the last few weeks I've realised a lot. We don't have to do these things if we don't want to but it gets to the point where you have to do something, sometimes there has to be a talk that may lead to an argument. Sometimes you have to stand your ground for a few days to let that person see that you feel there needs to be a change and sometimes you have to fight, fight for yourself and your own sanity. We don't want to hurt the people we love but if we feel like we are past the point of return we have to firstly help ourselves. The outcome may not always go the right way, it may take a while but there will come a point where your voice will be heard and they will listen. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel and there will be hope for change. Be strong, stand your ground, have that talk, cry, scream do what you have to do let it out of your system and get the point across because YOU MATTER TOO. I can't say that it will stay this way forever as we all know that "rollercoaster" is up and down and sometimes we feel like we go around and around in the same cycle but you will notice some sort of change whether it is a small or big amount no one knows because each situation and family are different.

We love our parents and family, we would do anything to help them but I realised after five years of the same cycle that I had to make a change for myself. Sometimes those words that we think will tear them apart need to be said and it will be ok. I realised that it took standing my ground and potentially hurting my parent to make them realise that they were hurting me. Things will get better, always remember that even though it may seem a bit crazy you're aiming towards a positive outcome for yourself and then everyone.

Written by
Seánna Davison